Tuesday, April 2, 2013

When people choose not to listen

Hello all. I apologize for not writing for a while. There really hasn't been anything to set me off in order to write about. But now I do. So many things in the past month. So here goes for my first blog. There will be a few more shorter ones to follow.

    Okay so ever had a friend or 2 friends come to you for advice and you give them excellent advice and they get mad at you?? Yeah this happened to me. I had 2 friends come to me for advice and I gave excellent advice and they were both very mad at me at first. Well after about 6 months, what I said would happen, happened. And BOTH parties came to me and said I had been right.

  Well I then tried to get both of them to talk about it with me, but only one of them would talk and disclose any information. And this person continually told me how I had been so right and they were sorry for getting so mad at me. Well just a few days ago I found out that they are back together. And one of them was telling people at work that they needed sex because it had been too long.

  I would just like to say that this is not the first time I had given these two advice about each other. And even though I was and am right, they choose not to listen because "the sex is too good". I am soo over this society and the fact that it produces sluts and jerks. I could say that nicer, but I can't help it. If people would just sit and have conversations and talk and not worry about the sexual part, our society would probably be a better place. Girls are taught that if they give a boy sex then he will want to be with them and that is not the case. But here is what happens... he gets what he wants for the time and then when you are gone he will find it elsewhere. And girls always get way too emotionally involved when sex is a factor in the relationship. It has alot to do with our sex organs being linked to our brain and we become connected with that person and we do things that we ordinarily wouldn't do. We act stupid and desperate. I just wanna look at these girls and tell them to have some self-respect and some self-control. Also mend their relationships with family, because almost always those girls who are sleeping around have some sort of mom/dad issue. It's hard to be in a relationship when both people are broken and are not okay being alone. There is such pressure on the women of today to always be in a relationship and if she is not, then something MUST be wrong with her. FALSE: Ladies, FIX YOURSELF AND LEARN SELF-RESPECT BEFORE GETTING INVOLVED!!! I am done with women thinking that they need a man to help "define" them. Girl, pick yourself up, drop him and move on!!! If the people who TRULY love you and are willing to risk the friendship by telling you how they feel, if you are losing friends, and your family doesn't approve...Drop him!!

And to the guy, if she is not ready be in a grown-up relationship and is immature, let her go. You need time to just be single and work on yourself and hang out with friends and do guy stuff. Just know that you need to be able to be happy being single before you can been completely happy in a relationship.

I am tired of giving good advice and no one listens...

You've just been ginger snapped

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Taking mental health seriously

So I have not written in quite a while. I don't really have a key topic that I blog about. I don't do crafts, because I am not creative nor do I have patience. I don't knit or anything like that. So I don't have anything concrete to do my blog even week about. But there have been recent events that have sparked me wanting to write again.

I know that no one really wants to keep thinking about that shooting at Sandy Hook, but as a mental health specialist I cant just sit by and not talk about the young man who did this. I am very saddened for the families who lost their babies. Those children were just so young. Other shootings have been sad, but this one has been the worst. And the heroes that have risen through this tragedy is astounding. There is Vicki Soto who lost her life by protecting her kids. And there is the other teacher who hid her kids in the bathroom and even when the cops showed up she wouldn't let them in. Then there were the cops who were the first ones on the scene and had to see the kids and had to see the sight of all that blood. Those first responders will need counseling for many years to come. The children who witnessed those horrible crimes will need some serious grief counseling as well. Which is where my passion comes in handy.

Everyone is very concerned for the families of the victims, but I would like to know what went through the kid's head to give him the boost to do what he did. As "normal" people we would never consider doing something so horrendous. He must have been struggling internally very badly to do what he did. It breaks my heart to know that this country is really hurting for more mental health care. So many times today people don't get the help they need because our society makes people feel inadequate because they need help.

Our world today sees a mental health disorder as a weakness and in many cases it is not something anyone can "control". It is a condition a person is born with or they develop through suffering tragedies. This boy who killed his mother and then killed those kids was really suffering and no one took time to check it out. Part of the responsibility lies with the parents bc many conditions begin to develop at a young age. And as a child grows up it could get worse. It could get to the point that the treatments would be more intense and take longer which just adds frustration to family and everyone else they come in contact with.

In my time spent in my psychology classes and working in the psych unit at the hospital I realized that alot of what people need is just for someone to listen to them. Many of the patients needed medication to help balance/stabilize their moods but it helps them just to talk about their issues. No, this won't solve any of the issues, but think about how great you feel after you have gotten something off your chest. Think about carrying some big "secret" around and not able to tell anyone, because you are ashamed of it and it embarrasses you. That is how many people with a mental illness feel about what they suffer with.

I'm not saying that if someone had just talked to this kid, he wouldn't have done what he did, but in many cases it could be that simple. It could be as simple as someone investing time in another person to make sure they are aware that someone would care if they were gone. In my psychology classes we learn that just reaching out to someone can do more good than a person knows. I know that in my own life, I would not be the person I am today without the people who invested and still invest time in me. I am lucky to love and be loved by many people. And I still struggle with knowing if anyone but my family truly cares. But I know that those people do.

I am constantly praying for the victims families of the Sandy Hook tragedy, but I am also praying for the remaining family of the boy who did the shooting. And I hope that something throughout this tragedy shows our health care system that mental health is just as important as physical health.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A few more rants and raves

Ok so I haven't blogged in a while. I am sure you missed me. But I am warning you before you read this, that these are my OPINIONS. And if you disagree, you are welcome to hit the "x" button at the top of the webpage. And also this will be getting a little political. But I will start off on a rant about how much our country has fallen.

     Our society today has been trained to be lazy. With the ability to get welfare, food stamps, EBT cards, etc. to easily in this country today goes to show just how LAZY we are. I am not fond of having to work hard and bust my behind, just so unemployed ABLE-BODIED people could get some of my hard earned money. Now before you jump down my throat, I do understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. But these people eating real well, with nice phones, nice rides, etc. are better off than me, and I WORK for that money. And they don't. OH NO!!!!!!

"There are jobs that can't be brought here, because they are low wage, low skill jobs" - President Obama.

I completely disagree. 

Why don't we bring low skill jobs back to America for people who don't have but low skills and are sucking the government dry by living off of welfare and government support but AREN'T working? Just an idea.
We need to retrain Americans to work for what they get. Not just lay down and start having babies, and that will get you another paycheck. Look, I understand poor. I am poor. My mom lost her job of 23 years about 2 years ago. We have been hurting. I had to quit school so I could work and pay my own bills because I am not okay with hand-outs. I have been working since I was 16. And will work until I retire. I do not enjoy working, but it's called being a grown-up. That's also what's wrong with alot of the boys these days. Many of them don't know what hard-work looks like. These boys need to take a lesson from their daddy and grandpa's book and see the hard work they endured and get back to it. You reap what you sow. I know of 2 men right now in their 80's and 90's who are very healthy for their ages and one put in elevators back in his day and the other has worked on a farm his whole life. Boys today are not MEN they are boys who expect hand-outs (well, at least most of them are this way).

    I am so tired of this country blaming its problems on others. It lies with our leader. And in my earlier blog it talks about being a leader. And our current leader does not fit the criteria. Now I am not saying that I agree with everything Romney says, but we do share similar beliefs and so far he is who I have been the most impressed with. I have been waiting for 4 years for Obama to impress me, hasn't happened. He has raised taxes. I am now paying $3.89 for a gallon of gas. And our nations debt grew to 16 trillion dollars!! Now Obama blames previous leaders, but he has done nothing to lessen the deficit or create jobs. I'm not saying that I believe any of the promises made by either candidate, but logic would suggest that if one of them promised things, had 4 years to show improvement and didn't, then that person is not to be trusted. I am no fool. I know politicians lie and that they all make promises they can't keep, but I wish the public weren't to ignorant to know that they are being manipulated and taken advantage of. I wish it was a blind election. Meaning, you have no clue who you are voting for, and you are FORCED to just listen to the issues and then make up your mind. You can not be swayed by someones appearance.

I am so over this "victim" mentality that so many Americans have these days. If you are ABLE (good health, no criminal record, etc.) to work, and are not, but living off MY money. GO GET A JOB!!! McDonald's and Wal-mart are always hiring. If you are jobless, no job should be beneath you. Have some self-respect and have just enough pride that you are not gonna accept hand-outs, but join the working class of America. It sucks, but you will be working and see the fruits of your labor.

You've been gingersnapped.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Even with my dark side

Ok so many of you may know that I am big music fan. Just all music in general. I literally love everything from old-time gospel to modern hip-hop and rap. I love it all. But there is a current song by one of my favorite artists, Kelly Clarkson, called "Dark Side". This song really speaks to me and I feel like it really was written about me. I am going to write the lyrics and then explain why it is so special to me. I hope these lyrics speak to you too.

"There's a place, that I know. It's not pretty there, and few have ever gone.
  If I show it to you now, will it make you run away? Or will you stay?
  Even if it hurts, even if I try to push you out, will you return?
  And remind me who I really am, please remind me who I really am!

  Everybody's got a dark side! Do you love me? Can you love mine?
  Nobody's a picture perfect. But we're worth it. You know that we're worth it.
  Will you love me, even with my dark side?

  Like a diamond, from black dust, it's hard to know what can become if you give up.
  So don't give up on me! Please remind me who I really am!

  Everybody's got a dark side! Do you love me? Can you love mine?
  Nobody's a picture perfect. But we're worth it. You know that we're worth it.
  Will you love me, even with my dark side?

  Don't run away! Don't run away! Just tell me that you will stay! 
  Promise me you will stay!
  Don't run away! Don't run away! Just promise me you will stay!
  Promise me you will stay!

  Will you love me? 

  Everybody's got a dark side! Do you love me? Can you love mine?
  Nobody's a picture perfect. But we're worth it. You know that we're worth it.
  Will you love me, even with my dark side?

  Don't run away!  Don't run away!
  Don't run away. Promise you'll stay."

This song says a lot, because through the years I have lost many good friends. And I lost them because of my "dark side". And I hate it. Because several of these people were people I called my best friends. But I also have a few best friends right now, who have seen the "dark side" but stuck by me. I struggle with a lot in my life. And I don't tell people on a daily basis my struggles because it will surely bum them out. And for those reading this that know me, I don't like bumming people out. I enjoy making people laugh and that's important to me. Because I struggle with self-confidence I try to be the funny one. That way when I'm meeting new people they don't remember that I am a "curvy" girl. But that I made them laugh. I put up the funny wall because it makes me feel good to make others laugh, but it covers my pain. But every now and then my pain shows through and I am not the easiest person to be around. It's that red-head stubborn temper. I really try to keep it under control. And I am very thankful to my friends and wonderful fiancĂ© who has seen that "dark side" many times and has yet to leave me. And it means a lot to have someone love that "dark side" of me. The line "Don't run away! Promise me you'll stay" gets me every time. It is a plea for someone to be supportive in the valleys of life. We all need someone to love us through it all. Good times and bad. And I am lucky to have them in my life. Thanks for loving my many sides :-) Love you guys!! 

Be inspired. Be blessed. You've been gingersnapped


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Be a leader! A call to action

I am a member of Thomas Road Baptist Church and pastor Jonathan Falwell is doing a series on leadership. And some of the points made the past few weeks have really hit home and I feel led to share them. The main point of the sermon series is, who is chief of your life?

Being the outgoing person that I am, I usually assume a leadership position. But that is not always the right position for me. Some of the best leaders, know how to follow when necessary. And that is a valuable lesson to learn. We are all leaders, it is what you do with your leadership position that makes up ones character. In our society, we are so worried about being liked and having a good reputation by the world's standards rather than having a good character by God's standards.

Some leadership lessons are:
1. Total obedience requires FULL submission.
    - We don't always understand the ramifications of our disobedience. Our disobedience will always lead others to disobey.

2. Throwing people under the bus only shows your lack of being able to be a leader.
   - This point is very important. So many times in life when something goes wrong or when something happens we are very quick to blame someone else and throw them under the bus. And not only is that unfair, but it is cowardly. Step up and take responsibility for what you have done wrong.
**A true leader would not all others to fall on their swords because of them.

3. Reputation is not nearly as important as character.
    Stop worrying about being liked.

Last point is that pride is always the enemy of leadership. Put your pride aside and take a stand.

The next leadership sermon is on Fear vs. Faith.
This morning we talked about the story of David from 1 Sam. 17 starting in verse 23.

David was just a boy, but he had big faith. He approached the king and wanted to go to battle and kill the giant Goliath. And king Saul said no that he would surely die if he went to battle with Goliath. But David stood up for himself and his God and said that he looks after his masters sheep and when a bear or a lion would come and steal a sheep from the flock, he would run after the animal and club it to death. And that the same God that watches over him when he saves a sheep, will protect him from Goliath. Well the story goes on to David going to battle with only a slingshot and 5 pebbles. And it says that David ran quickly towards Goliath. David slung a pebble and killed Goliath and cut off his head with Goliath's sword.

David had faith. David didn't hide because he knew who his God was. David trusted that God would protect him and watch over him.

The same God who gave David the strength to defeat Goliath, is with us today.

God's big plans for your future begin in the small details of today. Trust that God has His plan for your life and it is bigger and better than you could plan for yourself. (Jeremiah 29:11)

The greatest potential for God always begins after complete submission to Him.

Just know that God has your back. When you can't see His hand, you can always trust His heart.

Now what are you facing and who are you trusting?

Be encouraged. God bless.

You've been gingersnapped!!

"Did you need a fitting room?"

Ok so as many of you already know I work retail, and that is pretty much the only work I have ever done. And I will begin this by saying that I fully believe that everyone should be required to work retail or some type of customer service job at some point in their lives. I am sure you are thinking, "it's retail! How hard could it be?" But until you deal with it, you don't know. This blog will be all about what really makes me mad as a retail associate. And this is not about one specific place I work/worked at. It's about all of them.

First things first...fitting rooms. If you see that an associate is on the phone with a customer and another associate is at the register ringing up another customer, do not interrupt to ask me for a fitting room. I will help you as soon as I am done with the customer in front of me. I see you standing there with clothes in hand. I get that you need a room. And please don't get visibly upset when you don't get let into a fitting room right away. One of my favorite questions is "do you have fitting rooms for me to try this on?" And my answer is always polite and respectful, but I would rather answer with "No, but you see these doors? They each open to a magical world. Behind door 1 is Narnia, where Aslan will greet you. Behind this one is Hogwarts. Be careful Harry is gonna be flying by. And behind door 3 is Gollum and the ring. Enjoy!" But I can't say that b/c then it would make the customer feel dumb. And as a retail associate it is my job to make the customer feel smart and to make myself look stupid. We are all marionette dolls.

To go along with fitting rooms, do not leave your items off hangers, inside out, and on the floor of the fitting room!! Just bring me all the things you decided against. I will put them away in the correct spot.

The next thing is discounts. If you buy something for $25 and the total comes up less than that, then I have applied your discount. So please don't stand there and keep asking me. Have some common sense and trust that I know what I'm doing. I am the one getting paid and know how things work. I am not an idiot so please do not speak to me as such.

Also, I do not appreciate being treated as a servant or someone who is beneath you. I work because I have to, not because I enjoy it. So just because you have money and you get to shop all day and not work, does not give you any right to treat me as less than you would want to be treated.

Be observant. If you see all the yellow sweaters together, do not hang a blue one right in the middle. Give it to me and I will put it back right where it needs to be. And on this note, if you have several different items in your hand and decide against all of them, do not hang all of them together in with the dresses or the sweaters, etc. Give them to me, I will gladly take them from you.

I understand people have bad days and don't mean to be rude or aren't hateful on purpose, but remember that you don't need to take it out on someone who has nothing to do with your bad mood. Always treat people the way you'd like to be treated.

Thanks for reading. God bless. You've been gingersnapped!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Let the rants begin. This is a long one!

Hello again! If you are just reading my blog, welcome. If you read the first post, welcome back!

Today's topic is dealing with relationships. I am talking about all kinds, not just romantic. Although I will be spending a lot of time on the romantic ones. I will begin by talking about my past. I got on this topic last night at work and it finally hit me why my mother didn't really trust my judgement when it came to boys.

I never really knew how a real and genuine relationship should look because I am from a broken home. My dad was physically and verbally abusive to my mother and sometimes to me. I have very vivid and unpleasant childhood memories of the two of them fighting always. But my brother bobby would shield me and hold me when I would cry. I was constantly put down by my dad as a child, which from that stemmed my self-image issues. And I was molested by a family friend as a child (wow first time I am admitting this loudly, kinda scary). I never told anyone (even still today no one in my family knows-hint hint for those of you that might know them...) he told me that I brought it on myself and I was just asking for it because I was so pretty. And from then on I didn't want to be looked at or viewed as pretty. So I ate, unhealthy and developed unhealthy eating habits. But as I grew older I wanted attention again so I tried to make myself appealing to boys, and it didn't really work out well for me.

At a very young age I began early crushes. I saw boys on tv (Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell was my first pick). And I saw singers (Billy Ray Cyrus was it for me!). I also developed crushes on boys in elementary school, as early as kindergarten. To me, boys never had cooties. So my mother knew early on that I would be quite a handful. It was not until I reached preteen/early teens that my mother really began to worry. I would go to the local hang out (funquest) and flirt with many guys, but one in particular caught my eye. His name is Scott. And he was a couple of years older than me. And when you are that age, older boys are very appealing. To make this short, we developed a relationship, and he wasn't really the type of guy a girl should be with. But I kept it up with him. Buuuuttttt......then he went to juvenile jail aaannnddd I decided to write him letters. My mother was not happy, but I told her I was trying to win him to Jesus, which I was but I still had feelings for this guy. And when he got out, I thought we'd try to be together, but I had already moved on to my next bad boy. And he ended up getting 2 girls pregnant and married one then divorced her. I dodged a bullet with that guy. The next bad boy I also met at funquest. I was friends with his sister. And to keep this short, he ended up in jail pulling 10 years and I do stay in contact with him because he is from a family that does not care about him and it breaks my heart. He has no one to encourage him so I am writing him and through the last 5 years, he has gotten saved and is attending the church there in the jail. I am just praying that it sticks. He needs your prayers. His name is Todd. Fast forward to college, not because I want to, but I had no boyfriend all through high school. But this guy I met in college gets his own paragraph.

Jared is his name. He was it for me. He wanted to be a youth pastor and loved the Lord. I thought I had found the guy I was gonna be with for the rest of my life. He was an athlete at LU and I thought it was great. He and I started off as friends and began dating November 19 of my sophomore year in college. I fell in love with him. And it was an unhealthy relationship. We broke up and got back together so much. The first time, I was a mess. I look back and do not even recognize that girl. She stood in front of him and practically begged him not to leave her, and I don't do things like that. I wanted to be with him all the time. And I didn't know how to do relationships b/c I am from a broken home and had never really "dated" anyone. But after our fight, we kept our distance, but ended up back together. This happened 2 more times. But I will admit, I was not an easy person to be in a relationship with. I was moody and over barring. I didn't trust him. And I was always asking questions, accusatory questions. And as a psych major I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing. I was in denial. Jared and I started out as a great couple. As most couples do, but as time went on, our true colors began to show and he was not the man I thought he was. He was not the leader I needed him to be. He was just a boy trying to re-live his high school years. This kid only had a job for the summer, and relied on his mom to pay for things. And if we went on a "date" we paid separate. Looking back I am angry with myself for not seeing that he was definitely not God's best for me. But I was blinded by my feelings for him. And the day it all changed was a day we were in a fight up at LU. It was nearing the end of the semester and during the argument he was trying to walk away, and I wanted to keep talking about it and he pushed me out of the way. At that moment, I was DONE!! I was hurt, mad, relieved, and a variety of other emotions. He knew that I had been beat as a child and had been through a lot as a young girl and he still put his hands on me. I couldn't believe it. During all of this Jared deleted me and blocked me from Facebook. Yeah...he sure showed me!! I was with Jared almost 2 years. Those are 2 years I will never get back, but I learned so much about myself. But I have never been happier now with the man that I know is God's best for me.

I have known Ray basically my whole life. We grew up in the same church. And went to the same middle school, but lost touch when I went to LCA and he went to heritage. But when I started working for my current employer, he worked there too, and we began chatting and I knew I liked him and he was so cute, but I was with Jared. But when Jared and I broke up Ray gave me a few months and then hit me up on Facebook asking to hang out, and I thought "why not" so we went to a movie, and the rest is history. He is more than I could have ever asked for. He loves me so much and would do anything for me, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. We have been together a year and 7 months. And I love him with all my heart. He is a good MAN!! I say man, because he is a MAN. Jared was and still is a boy. And I do not have time to babysit.

I say all of this to say, when I give advice on relationships its because I kinda know what I am talking about. Not only do I have experience, but being a psych major, gives me an upper hand. You must grow as individuals before two people can come together. Two people that are broken cannot fix each other. I am so tired of two broken people getting together nowadays and it not working and then wondering why it didn't work. We should all strive for healthy relationships and that takes communication and having an open mind. If you want someone to be honest with you and call you out when you are making a bad decision then do not get mad at them for expressing their opinion and not moving from it. This could be spoken true of all types of relationships.

I have a great relationship with my mother and brother. They are my world (besides Ray). But my mom and I did not always get along. But thats true of any person who experienced those dreadfully awkward preteen/teenage years. I was hateful, disrespectful, and gave lots of attitude. But I am a ginger and we are known for our tempers. And boy do I still have one... It is not something I am proud of, but it's true. But since I am aware of it, I try to keep it under control. As I have grown older I have matured and my relationship with my mom has grown and she is my best friend. My brother and I, on the other hand, have never had an issue. We always got along and played well together. Even though the playing was with video games, action figures, and reading comics. That would be why I am a freak about The Avengers and Batman...Thanks Bobby.

I am so sorry this ended up being so long, but this is very therapeutic for me and I hope you enjoyed learning just a little bit more about me. Stay tuned for the topic of tomorrow's blog...which is still yet to be determined. Thanks again. Keep on viewing. :-) God bless! You've been gingersnapped!